By: Tony L. Jefferson, Jr.
Growing up, I didn’t have my biological father, like many children growing up in impoverished America either you had just your mom or a real man took up the charge of raising you. I was blessed to have a man do that in my life and I am forever grateful to God for sending this man, Ernie Weathers to be that man. As I grew in age I always wondered about my bio father, he would always flatter me with lies like “Daddy Loves ya” and “I’ll be coming to visit you soon”. I believed this man for years, believed by virtue of him being my father he’d automatically love me and want to love me. I’ve always had memories of the horrible past he left in my mind, beating my mother and often times putting me in danger because some drug had him thinking bold.
Why did I believe in the words of a man? As a child you want to believe that you’re loved by everyone, you want to believe that life isn’t as bogus as you learn it to be as an adult. The day I realized my bio father wasn’t shit was the day my life changed forever. Till this day at the age of 28, I am affected by the stigma of being anything like my father; I tried my best with my own children to be the best father I can possibly be. Sometimes I fuck up, mess up and totally fail at being the father I know I can be, but the fact that I still try and haven’t given up makes me feel great! It’s hard being the father to daughters, but I refuse to give up on them because it’s easy.
My father gave up on me because it was easy, it was easy to go to prison and protect you butthole, rather than raise your future! I use to hate my father after my revelation; I use to despise having the same name as this man having the same blood, having a piece of this man’s soul inside of me. As I grew older I realized I had to forgive him to truly free myself, I didn’t forgive him for him I forgave him in God’s name! This isn’t a rebuke against absentee fathers, some don’t truly have a choice and we should try to empower those fathers and thaw the frost covering the heart of their child’s mother. My father on the other had had multiple opportunities and several years of chances to truly know me and love me for me, but he failed to do that and I am forever left with the pain of that.
God always has a plan and going through this has made me a much better father as I am reminded of the pain of my father not being there. I always within reason try to be there as much as I can for my daughter Olivia and for my step daughter Sariah. Her dad reminds me of my painful past without mine and I want her to always have a father figure as my step provided for me! Ladies, if that child’s father is genuinely trying and the only bad thing that’s ever happened is your relationship not working, than give him the blessing of seeing his children it will make things much easier in the future. If that man is indeed a terrible person and wants nothing to do with their child, let God deal with them accordingly, because as my father has suffered tremendously from his misgivings so will they.
Last year he wanted to see his granddaughter and I being the bigger man wanted her to at least know who he was and when she’s older I’ll explain him to her. The trend will not continue and fathers are just as important as mothers. Love doesn’t have titles it is just shown and accepted with a willing and open heart. Love you children they are your future and essentially who you will be remembered by sometime in the future. Release upon society help and not hindrance!